Well the last days I sort of slowly slowly brought my self into another realization. I began consciously to see my desires changing. I never thought that this sort of change would have been so easily welcomed in my mind. Before i became a father and especially since the moment I found out that I was going to become a father, there could not had been a Friday or lets say a week that I would not had planned to go out with friends and ….party and stuff.
The last weeks I find my self eager to go home and do my part and to take care as much as I can my daughter Nora Sofia and Sjoukje. It brings a strange sense of tranquility and harmony even when I am sitting alone late at night on the cough and relaxing while the two women of my life are sleeping…Before the same experience if it was on the weekend would probably be felt with anxiety and regrets. Again I am not sure yet if this change comes also as an undercover psychological mask to cover and justify my choices in life and the fact that i cannot go actually out as before…
One thing is for sure though. Watching Nora Sofia growing as part of me and Sjoukje, but also at the same time, as such a unique personality in a family environment that I create is very special !! More special than any party at the moment.
However I know that in my heart I need to find later the right balance between myself and my family. Only then I can be true to myself and offer to my family my very best self and in the end achieve HARMONY.
We shall see….